Well I don't know what to get my mam for Christmas
I got my dad some slippers, I could always just give her his
A box of chocolates? Butlers have a lovely selection
But I don't know if they'll give her an allergic reaction
It's either wheat or dairy, can't remember which one it is

Well I don't know what to get my mam for christmas
Think she wants a christmas jumper but I haven't really got a clue
She's always in the kitchen, maybe she needs a new colander
And granny's always happy with a Cliff Richard calendar
But time is running out and I don't know what the hell to do

Well I don't know what to get my mam for christmas
The shops are gonna close, can't feel my toes they're cold as the North Pole
It used to be okay but now that I'm getting older,
Can't get away with buying another candle stick holder
She might like the new autobiography by Cheryl Cole

Well I don't know what to get my mam for christmas
I'm spending all my money and time isn't on my side
I picked her up a twenty euro Amazon voucher
But I don't know if I dropped it down the back of the couch
Or if I threw it in the fire with some tinsel and the RTE guide

Well I didn't get my mam anything for christmas (bad, bad son)
I said I'm really sorry but I'm thinking if all all else fails,
I'll look under the sofa and gather all my pennies, and in a couple of weeks I'll ramble down to Pennies
And get her something special in the January sales